International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia

 

HAHABT

HAHABT 2015

 

In honor of the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia, Alan has agreed to share part of his story. Those who comment on this post will be entered into a drawing to win a $10 gift certificate to either AllRomanceEbooks or Amazon, to be chosen on May 25th**.

**Winner has been chosen: Milica. An email has been sent to the gmail address you used to sign in, if it does not reach you, please contact scuttlebuttreviews also at gmail.

 

 

My parents have had photographs hung all over their den for as long as I can remember, pictures of family and friends posed together spanning decades, the people I grew up around. Comforting to look at in my early years, but when I became aware of my otherness, these pictures served to remind me every day of how different I was. It never occurred to me to confide my worries. I knew there were gay people somewhere, at least in theory, my small hometown was solely comprised of heterosexuals. There were never any snide, throw-away comments, but it was like homosexuality simply didn’t exist in our part of the world. So I tucked that piece of myself away, dated women casually and infrequently to prevent questions, and buried myself in work in the small city nearby.
I was in my early thirties when another man started working for the same company. He was quick-witted, good at his job, well-liked, and kept a picture of himself and his boyfriend on his desk. I’m afraid my first thoughts ran along the lines of, ‘wow, a real live gay man!’  but something about seeing him in my town, working the same job as me, and fulfilled in life, made me realize that maybe, just maybe, that could be me.
It took about a year, but I finally sat my parents down in their kitchen and had The Talk. My mother looked stunned and muttered something about being a horrible parent for not noticing. My father started crying and left the room. He returned a minute later, wiping his face on his sleeve and holding a framed photograph from the den. The picture was of three people: me, about four years old, held by my uncle who’d died shortly after the picture was taken, and my father with his arm around his brother, the three of us smiling the same wide grin. “He was so full of joy, just the happiest, best person I’d ever known.” These were the same variation of words I’d heard describe Uncle John my entire life. I must have looked confused, because he snapped, “Why would you think I’d love my son any less than I love my brother?” I had no idea what the connection was, and it felt like forever before my mother huffed, “For heaven’s sake, Alan, your Uncle John was as gay as the day is long!” A long discussion ensued, me asking why they never mentioned it, them baffled because he didn’t have a boyfriend or partner, so why would they have. My parents were horrified that they had unwittingly contributed to how different I’d felt.
Nothing my family ever did made me feel like they would stop loving me if I didn’t meet certain standards, it was my own lack of self-acceptance that kept me quiet. Of course this could have gone in the opposite direction, I could have been ostracized, but I never even tried to confide in anybody. Sometimes I wonder how the first decades of my life would have gone had I only talked to somebody, because although I’m pretty pleased with how things have turned out, I could have reached this point sooner. Talk to somebody. It doesn’t have to be family or friend, nowadays there are resources and helplines to call. Don’t deny yourself of your true self.
-Alan
The Trevor Project
GLBT National Help Center

 

 

Others involved in the hop:
1. Erica Pike (M/M) 2. Cherie Noel (M/M)
3. NJ Nielsen (M/M) 4. K-Lee Klein (M/M)
5. Bronwyn Heeley (M/M) 6. Chris McHart (Multi: M/M, TR)
7. Andrew J. Peters (GAY) 8. Prism Book Alliance (MM, FF, TR, Bi, Rev)
9. L.M. Brown (M/M) 10. Dianne Hartsock (M/M)
11. ScuttlebuttReviews (MM,FF,TR,BI,Rev) 12. Anne Barwell (M/M)
13. Anna Lee (M/M) 14. Draven St. James (M/M)
15. Anna Butler (M/M) 16. A.L. Wilson (M/M, Bi, TR)
17. Jacintha Topaz (BI F/F/M, F/F)  18. Blaine D. Arden (M/M, TR)
19. L. J. LaBarthe (M/M) 20. Iyana Jenna (M/M)
21. Kracken (M/M) 22. Victoria Zagar/Infinite Love (MULTI, REV)
23. Brandon Shire (Gay) 24. Lex Chase (M/M)
25. Amanda C. Stone (M/M) 26. Stephen del Mar (Gay)
27. JC Wallace (M/M) 28. Lasha’s Reviews (REV)
29. Angela S. Stone (M/M) 30. Serena Akeroyd (M/M/F)
31. Marie Landry (F/F) 32. S.J. Frost (M/M)
33. Raythe Reign Publishing (M/M) 34. Susanna Hays (M/M)
35. Racheline Maltese & Erin McRae (GAY, BI, F/F, TR)  36. Kaje Harper (M/M, Bi)
37. Barbara Winkes (F/F) 38. Kat Fletcher (LES)
39. Moonbeams over Atlanta 40. Fever Dreams (Raven J. Spencer)
41. Kimber Vale (M/M) 42. Sexy Erotic Xciting~ Evelise Archer (M/M)
43. Amelia Bishop (MULTI) 44. Shayla Mist (M/M, DES)
45. Caddy Rowland(Gay)/Sibley Jackson (M/M) 46. Thursday Euclid (M/M)
47. Nic Starr (M/M) 48. Anastasia Vitsky (Governing Ana) (F/F, BI)
49. Blogger,reviewer,author, editor, promotion 50. Caraway Carter (M/M, Bi)
51. Grace R. Duncan (M/M, Bi) 52. Elin Gregory
53. Kade Boehme 54. Amberly Smith (M/M)
55. Remmy Duchene Mantasy (M/M) 56. L M Somerton (M/M)
57. Erin O’Quinn (M/M) 58. Lori Toland (M/M)
59. Tyler Robbins (M/M, M/M/M) 60. BFD Book Blog
61. BFD Book Blog (REV) 62. Crystal’s Many Reviewers (M/M, F/F, TR, Bi, Rev)
63. Kenzie Mack (M/M, BI) 64. The Novel Approach Reviews
65. J.P. Bowie (M/M) 66. Devon Rhodes (M/M, Bi)
67. Thianna Durston (M/M) 68. Morticia Knight (M/M, Bi)
69. Bryl R. Tyne (M/M, TR, MULTI, F/F) 70. M.A. Church (M/M)
71. Books A to Z Book Blog 72. Catherine Lievens (M/M)
73. James Lee Hard (MM) 74. Eva Lefoy (M/M)
75. Matthew J. Metzger (MULTI) 76. Andrew Ashling (Gay)
77. Charley Descoteaux (MM, Bi) 78. Michael Mandrake
79. Kate Aaron (Gay) 80. DiverseReader (REV)
81. Hans M Hirschi (Gay, TR) 82. Aeryn Jaden (M/M)
83. Alex C.Clarke (M/M) 84. Louisa Bacio (M/M F/F Bi)
85. Talon ps & Princess so (MM, Bi, Poly, DES) 86. Tasha’s Thinkings (M/M, Bi)
87. Christa Tomlinson (M/M) 88. Alexa Milne (M/M)
89. IndiGo Marketing & Design (DES) 90. Eva LeNoir (M/M)
91. A.V. Sanders (M/M) 92. B. Snow (MULTI)
93. Alexis Duran (M/M) 94. Dean Pace-Frech (M/M)
95. Lily G. Blunt (M/M, REV) 96. Joelle Casteel (MULTI)
97. Sage Marlowe (Gay) 98. Author Susan Mac Nicol (MM)
99. Sloan Johnson (M/M, BI) 100. Cody Kennedy (GAY)
101. Lea Bronsen (MULTI) 102. Brina Brady (M/M)
103. WindWhisperer (Erotica Whispers) (F/F) 104. Bey Deckard (M/M, BI)
105. Andrew Jericho (Gay) 106. NSBeranek (Gay)
107. Freddy MacKay (MM, BI, Queer Fic) 108. Mischief Corner Books (PUB)
109. Angel Martinez (Gay/Bi) 110. Catherine Dair Cover Designers (DES)
111. Toni Griffin (M/M) 112. Carly’s Book Reviews (M/M, TR, BI, MULTI, REV)
113. Rory Ni Coileain (M/M) 114. M.LeAnne Phoenix (M/M)
115. Lucy Felthouse (Multi) 116. Bottom Drawer Publications (PUB)
117. Tempeste O’Riley (M/M, BI, Genderfluid, TR)
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16 comments on “International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia

  1. sherry1969

    Thanks for being part of the hop and a great post.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

  2. bn100

    Thanks for joining and sharing

    bn100candg at hotmail dot com

  3. sula22

    I have a friend who came out to me when were about 15. He was more terrified of telling his family, as he felt that they would reject and no longer love him. Unfortunately they did take it very badly, even though he had myself and a few other good friends as support he also went to counseling after the fall out. Thankfully he did reconnected with his Mom. Thank you for sharing your story

  4. Milica

    Really touching…and thank you for sharing this with us. If only all the parents would be like yours.

  5. Alaina

    Thank you so much for sharing your story Alan! Thank you for participating in the blog hop!

  6. JT

    What a beautiful story of acceptance, coming of age, and affirmation. Thanks for sharing!

  7. H.B.

    Really great post. Thank you for sharing your coming out story with us. I’m happy to see that it turned out so well.Thanks for taking part in the hop!

    humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

  8. Trix

    It’s always so touching to hear the stories on this hop!

  9. Shirley Ann Speakman

    Thank you for the post you have such a wonderful family and I’m so pleased that you were able to be yourself even if it took a little while happen.

    ShirleyAnn(at)speakman40(dot)freeserve(dot)co(dot)uk

  10. Angela

    When reading your very personal story i felt sad and happy, sad because it took you so long before you could open up and happy because of your parents reactions.

    I look at it from a mothers point of view and your story reminds me to always be open with my children.To keep reminding them that they can come to me with whatever question they have, and that i will listen to them and not Judge them.
    So thank you Alan for sharing your story with us.

  11. Bronwyn Heeley

    lovely post, and something that i can connect to on a different level and on the same. I’m glad it went the way it did, but sorry for the fact that it took so long for you to accept yourself enough to be able to open yourself up let other people see who you truly are.

    hope the rest of your life is filled with happiness

  12. Tempeste O'Riley

    So sorry that you went through so much for no reason other than a lack of communication on the part of your family. And I’m glad it all worked out! You’re so right about talking to someone! No one is truly alone, not if we’re willing to reach out to those open to us.
    Thank you for sharing <3

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